Disclaimer: The personal information contained herein was obtained solely
from reading messages posted by those individuals.

1. What is a SBN?
2. Why a SBN FAQ?
3. Who is Greg Cooper?
4. Who is Branden Wolner?
5. What is Deja-News?
6. Who is Garret Okamoto? Who is Larry Coon?

1. What is a SBN?
=================
SBN stands for sh!+bag newbie. The term was created by a regular poster
(actually a resident troll) named Greg Cooper. If you are posting here for the first
time then, according to Greg you are a SBN and a prime target for flame wars. Don't
feel bad though. According to Greg, everyone who disagrees with him is a sh!+bag.
We're just not newbies.



2. Why a SBN FAQ?
=================
The biggest reason is because I had nothing better to do this holiday
weekend. Also, to give newbies a heads up. This newsgroup can be like a Balkan War zone at
times and you need to be aware that there are two resident trolls in here that are
always on the prowl for a new SBN to attack. They love wasting tax payers dollars by
eating up bandwidth from free servers based on the UCLA campus. They are Greg " aka
Grego" Cooper and Branden "aka Brando aka Braneinstein" Wolner. They appear to
subscribe to the Jim Rome philosophy that if you have a take it 1) better be fresh and 2)
better not suck. If your post meets these two criteria, you are then subject to a
flame war for being arrogant, and for you to understand your place in the "food
chain". You see, Greg and Branden have been in this newsgroup for a long time. And they
think that gives them some kind seniority in cyberspace. They are tired of all the
traffic in cyberspace today. Kind of like LA traffic. They remember when cyberspace was
more rural and you only saw an occasional poster and everyone got along with
everybody. Now cyberspace is flooded with trolls and SBNs and they must do something to
protect they old way of life. They have chosen a.s.b.n.l-l as their last bastion of
cyberspace.

SBNs BEWARE.



3. Who is Greg Cooper?
===================
In four words: 1)your 2)worst 3)frikkin 4)nightmare. If you are wise you will killfile
file him from every usenet forum that you ever visit. I am trying to convince
Microsoft to ship Outlook Express with him already there. You will never
meet a more malicious, vulgar and fowl poster on the usenet. He will attack you like
you've never been attacked before. He will call you names that you've never been called
before. He will beligerently and boastfully violate every "Rule Of Netiquette" that
exists and then run you up a flag pole for not following netiquette. He will spin
things to suit his own needs. He will take your quotes out of context. Beware, he has
admirers and followers. His mindless admirers include Jared Wilson and JC Martin. His
most dangerous follower is Branden Wolner. Greg has been known to use the alias
"Jeremy A. Siegel" (not to be confused with: Jeremy A Siegel) in the past.



4. Who is Branden Wolner?
=========================
Branden Wolner is an employee of the UCLA Microbiology Institute. He is not
a UCLA student. Do not attempt to bait him about UCLA teams because he doesn't like
them anyway. He grew up as a military brat and because he was in North Carolina
in the early 80s and a big James Worthy fan, he claims to have adopted the Lakers
as his "team". He's married (if you can believe that) and has a young daughter
(born in late 97 or early 98). Branden is Greg Cooper's sidekick. Of course he will deny
this but no one has ever seen Branden and Greg in a dispute. Branden never gets his
hands dirty. He always leaves the dirty part for Greg. Branden has a tremendous
ego because he believes he has a superior intellect. He has in the past boasted about
his exceptionally high SAT scores and his reknowned published works in
microbiology, therefore he's what we generally refer to as "a know it all". Branden
however appears to be a very frustrated individual who seems to really enjoy flaming SBN's.
It's my theory that he's probably been denied entry into every medical school in the
Western hemisphere (most likely for lacking empathy) and cut from every varsity
tryout (most likely for not understanding the meaning of "team"), which is why he's
probably so frustrated. Which explains why his life consists of flaming SBN's and
killing mice. Branden has been known to troll the Denver Nuggets NG using the name "Nuggy"
and the Utah Jazz NG using "Jazzy". Just remember, if you disagree with Branden,
then you also disagree with Greg. They are a tag team, they will engage you in a flame war
and they don't fight fair.



5. What is Deja-News?
=====================
Deja-News is the scud missile of Cooper and Wolner. If they are not in here
flaming you, then they are on dejanews searching for dirt on you. Deja News is a
news service that maintains a Usenet database. If you go to www.dejanews.com and perform
a "Power Search" you can look up the posting history of any individual you want. If
you are in a flame war with them, then they will most certainly inquire about your
posting history and then use it against you to run you up a flag pole. You may want
to change your name first, before you post in here.

6. Who is Garret Okamoto? Who is Larry Coon?
============================================
Garret and Larry are sacto-sanc. They will both leave there calling cards on
their posts. I suggest you visit their web sites because they are very
informative. Remember my earler analogy where I compare a.s.b.n.l-l to a Balkan War Zone?
Well, Larry and Garret are like the supply chain to the war effort. They will
frequently fly overhead and drop a big box of supplies attached to a parachute upon us. We
will then fight over those supplies for hours if not days. Do not take shots at those
supply planes. If you do you, then you will be shot by everyone else. Garret will
usually post quotes daily that he has gathered from multiple press releases. We will
twist and fight over those quotes and their true meaning. Larry is the NBA salary cap
expert "aka the capologist". He has co-authored an NBA Salary Cap FAQ web page.


The NBA Salary Cap FAQ:
http://www.members.home.net/lmcoon/salarycap.htm

Before you come in here with wild trade ideas, you may want to go there first to see that you're ideas are actually feasible.

WELCOME TO A.S.B.N.L-L YOU SBN!!!!